Something...Different.

I'm gonna try something new and no it's not grammer homework, Finishing an artcle thing, or finishing a one act that's just going to be torn apart and dogged (Believe me I could care less if anything got done in this class seeing as I dont really need it).
Well anyways back to my initial point I'm tired of everyone trying to get me to fit inside a tiny little box and demanding me to stoop and bow to their every beck and call...
Sooo, I'm deciding to just go back to not existing, to walking the halls like a ghost that noone sees or cares about, i'm going back to the forgotten ignored person I used to be, the heartless soulless shell of a person.
It may cause me to lose my (like 3) friends...but oh well if it does then they weren't my friends to begin with,or Seth (if his family doesn't like me then it's not going to work out anyways)..If it does it'll suck but i'll eventually get over it like I have to do with everything else.
It's not like it matters anyway but consider yourselves warned.

GRRR!!!

So last night I was at the mall waiting on Seth to get off like I do every night he works.I actually didn't stand in front of the Pretzelmaker like I usually do because 4 hours is a long time to just stand somewhere.I was watching this little boy running around with his slightly older brother which I thought was adorable apparently their dad didn't think so.He grabbed the younger one by his arm and literally dragged him out of the mall and came back in about 5 minutes later.When he started crying again because his dad was yelling at him for making him cry in the first place the dad got really mad and started to drag him away again.The slightly older brother followed then trying to get the dad to stop and the dad turned and raised his hand like he was going to hit him but looked up then just turned and dragged the younger brother outside again...Really!!!This dad should be glad to have his children(he has 3).

Failed baking attempt!!

So yeah last night Seth and I tried to bake brownies, cookies, and we also tried to make a cheesecake thingy for the bake sale book club is having tonight. The key word in that sentance is tried because as soon as we tried to cut the brownies they crumbled and the cookies all morphed into one huge cookie that I tried to break apart, and the cheesecake thingys I never checked on but i didnt feel like carrying the pans today so I just didnt bring them.

Here's a tip for ya when youre baking something: Don't fall asleep when youre waiting for something to cool down because you will let it cool to much and then it will be almost impossible to cut.

Random Childishness

So my dad leaves out agan today so I get to be all childish again.
I was texting Seth yesteray and asked if he wanted to come over after school and hang out. He asked what we were going to be doing. I said the first thing that came to mind which was IDK coloring or something.

Do you remember the times when you were a little kid when you laid in the floor in middle of the living room with all of your crayons markers and colored pencils all just dumped on the floor around you and coloring for hours on in?

Well this is what iI came up with except not for hours and definatly not losing the colored pencils I just bought.

when you were little...?

I was abnormally happy today because for the first time in a long long LONG time I finally got to be who I really am. Yes I tend to be a little annoying when I am able to be myself, but hey it happens. I actually haven't been able to be myself since September 24 2007-yes I know thats a long time, but I needed to grow up. For the first time in a long time I actually felt really and truely happy today. I normally don't show any other emotion than anger or sadness when i'm around other people, but I'm tired of being caged up within myself because i'm being forced to be the way other people want to see me. I kinda quite cheering because there seems to be a steriotype that goes along with cheering...I'm against conformity.

Anyways back to my point who remembers:
1.)Jumping in every puddle you saw just because they were there and to see how wet your pants would get
2.)Playing drums with chop sticks instead of eating
3.)Swinging as high as you can and jumping to see how far you can fly
4.)Spinnig as fast as you can (or at least as fast as others are willing to push you) on the merry-go-round untill you got sick
5.)Playing all the games or at least the flashy ones in the arcade
6.)Abandoning half a plate of food just to go play
7.)Just living life and turning the world into your playground like you did as a young child

Well today I remembered all of this I turned the world into my playground again and I finally showed who I really am. It doesnt happen often because childishness is highly frowned upone in today's society but this is me i'm talking about...so...um...yeah I could care less about what society has to say.

I am who I am because thats who I was meant to be.

So people can quit trying to figure me out and starting all these rumors about why I moved from Tennessee to here I will tell you.
1.) No i'm NOT having a baby-I mean really do I look like i'm carrying a baby.
2.)No I havent had a baby recently-Really I would be at home all the time.
3.)No I'm not or have I ever been a part of any gangs-I'm not that stupid.
4.)No I wasnt shipped off by my parents because I'm a trouble maker.-Okay well part of this one is true but no I wasn't shipped off by my parents.

Now the truths about me...
My Biological dad abused me for 5 years-untill i was 5
My mom passed away when i was 14..
My dads in and out of prison regularly and doesnt care about my brothers or me.
My oldest brother and aunt and uncle all blame me.
My aunt kicked me out because I wasnt like the boys and her kids I didnt do what I was told when i was told if she had a tone (and i refuse to conform).
I moved in with a friend who became my bf but then we broke up.
I moved up here because the guy that owned the house i was staying in threw me out after giving me four hours to find a place to go. I slept outside of the mall that was right behind the house for three days and then one of my friends took me in for a night and got me into a homeless shelter.
I called my step dad and he got me a bus ticket and brought me up here.
We are very slowly replacing everything i had to leave behind.
I am the way I am today because it's all i've ever known.
If you want to know more then just ask but don't assume anything untill you get to know me!!!

The lamest breakup excuse

So Saturday I was lounging around my apartment when my bf (currently my exbf) decided to call me.
Well we kinda got in a small arguement because my dad doesnt agree with me paying for everything...Ending with me hanging up on him.
He called back twice but I didnt answer and he left blank voice mails.
The third time he called I answered so my phone would quit singing to me.
I asked who he was with and he gave me names and when he said one guys name he yelled at mark not to give me his name because he didnt want that (Insert derogatory word here) To know his name...Resulting in me hanging up on him again.
He called a few times but I ignored them.
He called again after like 10 minutes and asked if I was upset and when I said yes he asked me why...all i said back was really youve got to be kidding me...and hung up on him a third time.

Excuse
*When he called back about five seconds later he left me a long voicemail saying that he didnt think it would work out because he didnt have money and i ALWAYS want to go somewhere...*

Well there was more but i didnt listen to it all and called him all he said when i asked him about it is im always with my mom and cant ask for money when i told him to get a job it helps he said he was trying right after one of the people he was with said the same thing...He had the nerve to put me on speaker and he knows i hate being on speaker...So i hung up on him yet again.
I'm sure he got the picture because he didnt call back again.
My Step-dad is a little heated about the whole situation and how he went about breaking up with me. The whole voicemail thing is kind of like a text message or a facebook message/post to my dad;which means its cowardly, disrespectful, and unethnical.